Transitions

 When I got hired at my job I feel like they could have jokingly told me a part of the job description is transition, because it feels as though we are always in a current state of it. However, that seems to be a point of great growth for me. A way for me not to be so structured and an increase in my fluidness, or as I like to call it, my ability to roll with the punches, jabs and right hooks. I have learned to gain stability, in instability, giving me the ability to develop more confidence and focus on who I want to be as a clinician.

I didn’t realize that my life needed the subtitle of “transition” as well. It seems if it’s not one thing it’s truly another. Right now I’m in the “it’s another” phase, genuinely making me question a lot of things, which is not a safe place for anyone to be. That made me think (because of course I lack the desire to look inward at the moment and desire distraction) of my boss and something powerful she said. We are in transition again, losing her as our direct supervisor and gaining a new supervisor who will run our individual supervision. This transition has been difficult for her and I heard her state, “I don’t feel needed”.

My internal Jamieko began to gab. That seems just silly! Of course you’re needed. You have an amazing amount of experience that we all benefit from. You have an energy that let’s be honest, we all feed off of. You are able to continue guiding us during group supervision. A group that continues to be safe enough for me to cry, which we all know is pretty huge.  Most importantly, you’re the boss, the person whom at any time of need we go to for support and you are always more than willing to give it. Of course you’re needed!

My little light bulb clicked, hell if this transition has made her feel like she’s not needed and clearly she is, maybe that needs to speak to me and my life transitions and the negative self talk I have going on.

I pretty much sobbed during group today because of my personal bullshit. My tears of frustration while speaking about a client were clearly not even related to my client, but to my overall inability to handle the newest slightly unexpected transition in my life.  Perhaps, my life is not over or miserable like I think it is. Perhaps to answer a dear friends question, life does get better for us.

My goal is to take a step back and shine light on what this newest transition has to offer me and maybe like my boss, I’m missing something important that everyone but me can see.