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| Top Photo with my biological Mom 02/2004 Middle Photo with my Mom 05/2005 Bottom photo with a coworker10/2004 at 250 pounds |
When I left high school in 1997 I weighed 160 pounds, which is only 10 pounds heavier than my ideal weight for my height, bone structure and muscle mass. I didn't think I was skinny but I don't think I ever felt "fat". I just knew that I was the fattest girl in my clique.
After my first year of college I found that I didn't gain the "freshman 15" I gained the "freshman 30". I was devastated and found myself for the first time really self conscious and uneasy. I came home and never really changed what I did. I started working, kept going to college, traveled, and experience a full life.
At the end of college in 2003 I reached an insane weight. In all honesty I don't think I know how much I weighed. I know I was at least 250. I was the fat girl in my sorority and I truly didn't realize it. I was oblivious in certain sense because I was happy and in love and as a result of my denial was FAT.
When i graduated college I realized I was fat as I tried to get into a wedding dress. I started my journey to get healthier. I got down to 225. When I got divorced in 2008 I made a change in my life. I started to run. I ran all the time. I started at a 19.5 minute mile and got down to 13.5 minutes. I completed 5 5k's, and 11 .3 mile run and a half marathon and I managed to lose a total or 75 pounds. I at one point got down to 169. I still thought I was giant, but understood I was in the process of becoming healthier.
As much of a success as that is, unfortunately I have gradually began to gain the weight back. Slowly over the 3 years I gained 16 pounds tipping the scales once again at 185. Then I had a major weight gain. It started when I got fired in July 2011. I was at 185 pounds in July and then in 4 and a half months gained 40 pounds. I was back up to 220 pounds. :-( I was once again devastated. How did I let this happen? I worked so hard to get the weight off and it was as if all the work I had done was for not!
This time the weight affected all of me. I was not oblivious. I was not in denial. If there was a word greater than devastation that would begin to explain how this made me feel. My heart, my soul, my confidence, my personality, my self-worth all seemed to take a tole. I once again was trying to fit into a wedding dress and trying not to let my lack of self-esteem and my weight totally steal from the joy of becoming a wife to the man I was so excited to have in my life. I attempted to work out and as a result I have dropped 9 pounds and lost 7 inches.
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| My wedding day 7/21/12 |
That was two weeks ago. The first week was rough only worked out 3 days instead of the 6 days I wanted. This week was much better I have worked out every day this week and have enjoyed every moment of it.
This morning I was quickly measured by a trainer who was busy, so I question his accuracy (more because I can't believe the results) and he informed me that I was 41% body fat. The only words out of my mouth, WHAT THE HELL? I made a commitment to start running again regularly and exercise daily, even if that means just taking my dog on a 2 mile walk. I was told I needed to lose 20% of my body weight. My original goal is to get back down to 160 pounds. The weight I was when I thought I was the fattest girl I knew. That will be 25.5% of my body weight now. I know I can do it. I am determined to do it!
Ironically, tonight David has chosen to watch Extreme Makeover Weightloss. The man on the show weighed 543 pounds and one year later he weighed in at 277 pounds. WOW! I am always amazed at how God reaches out to me. Sometimes he has to grab my attention and shake me. This shook me!
It's amazing the difference a year can make. I told someone once, if you truly want to accomplish a goal every choice you make in life has to help get you closer to that goal. Keep that goal as your focus and you will create that happiness!!!
So here we go again. An attempt to regain who I once was back. An attempt to fit back into my "skinny" jeans. An attempt to regain control of my life and my health. An attempt to win my fitness challenge with a brother. An attempt to complete a race a month! I will be successful this time. I will reach my goal. I will be a model for the kids I work with. I will be able to look myself in the mirror and smile knowing that I am still able to accomplish goals set. I will stop comparing myself to those around me and practice what I preach, we are all unique individuals God put on this earth for a purpose. I am not you and you are not me. I am happy with who I am, who I was, and who I will be!
-Jko
